Wednesday, 25 July 2012

Nina's Wednesday Whispers Week 1

Hey my beauties I hope you are all well 
Today is the First of my Wednesday Whisper's Advice Blog Post 
Thank you all so much for the great response of my idea to do this 
I am so excited to take this new journey and even more excited to get to know you all a little more through this.  
So far i have got 2 emails sent to me and of course I'm happy with this as i know alot of you out there find it hard to open up and trust someone you dont even know in person but its true what they say ITS ALOT EASIER TO OPEN UP TO THE PEOPLE YOUR DONT KNOW THAN THE PEOPLE YOU DO.  Hopefully as this blog post moves on a week or two you will see that i am only here to listen and give my advice.  
So time for my first email 
This person wishes for no personal details (in which i would never do anyway i would only released first name) to be mentioned 

Dear Nina My problem involves two men. One is the father of my little daughter the other is an ex i went out with when i was 17 long time ago. Well a few weeks ago me and my long term partner of 5 years broke up as things werent the same between us we were constantly arguing and ever since i had our daughter almost 3 yeas ago our relationship was going down hill.He stopped sleeping in the same bed as me and left me do everything he basically did nothing just played his xbox day in day out. I felt like i had to stay with him if only for the sake of our daughter but finally got the courage to leave him.This is were the ex comes in. I started talking to him on Facebook and from there we really hit if off he came to see me and we went from there.But now my daughters daddy has been calling alot and we seem to be getting on so well that im now actually starting to get feeling fo him all over again. I really dont know what to do. I know that if i stay with the fella im with now i will be happy but at the same time i want the other fella. Aggghhhhh its so confusing. HELP...

Oh my goodness girl i can only imagine what you are going through at the moment. CONFUSED.COM eh?  Well hunny this is a very sensitive situation you are in not only are you confused but you to see that your daughter will also be very confused.  Even though kiddies never say anything they feel and see everything.  
Ok first of all YOUR EX is YOUR EX FOR A REASON i dont know if he was your first love but obviously you will get yourself caught up in the time you had with him all those years ago and as you are in a confused situation you will let you mind and heart wonder simply because you at the moment are lonely as you have got used to having a man in your life.   You will be remembering the all the good times you had with your ex and in your own way want to go back to that time and this is why you are confused about him. 
As for the father of your child HUNNY HAVING A CHILD WITH ANYONE PUTS PRESSURE ON A RELATIONSHIP BELIEVE ME I KNOW THIS.  So whatever problems you had before you had your baby was pushed aside and not dealt with and that added onto more stress when your little girl was born.  Having a new baby changes everything in a relationship and if you are not open with each other of course things will get worse.  Maybe he feel a little pushed aside since baby was born which is not yours or his fault some men and women do feel this.  
What you need to do is take a little break from both men and sit down and actually think about what you want in the future.  
Dont feel you should go back to the father of your child for the sake of your child as that will leave things worse for all three of you.  Personally i think it would be no harm giving it another try but both of you need to WANT TO MAKE THIS WORK.  
THE KEY TO EVERY SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP IS TALKING TO EACH OTHER.  Dont shut each other out be truthful and honest and make sure when you have your chats cover everything.  
SPEND MORE TIME TOGETHER:  This is healthy for you both as having kiddies makes us forget to take a break from them.  When with a partner we tend not to go out as much we find it easier to stay at home which in fact puts more of a downer in the relationship.  Im not saying go out every weekend but maybe a little more than you do :)  This also helps you communicate with each other more
If you decided to go back to the father of your child and it doesnt work out well at least you know your tried and that you worked hard on making a go of it and move on without any regrets 
I hope this bit of advice helps you along your way hunny I hope this is not too long to read lol i do find i get carried away talking :) 
The best of luck to you xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
P.S: Please let me know what you decide and how things are :) :) 

Hi Nina 
I've a really great friend who I've known for years and we get on like a house on fire but she takes absolutely everything to heart. I always have to be so careful with what I say she gets very easily offended. I understand that is a part of her personality but it is difficult to deal with sometimes. The other night I had her over and she spent most of the night complaining, mostly about her bodily functions aka bowel movement etc.!, which I find pretty gross and just TMI. (She is convinced there is a medical reason behind it whereas I think a lot of it is stress and that she needs to just chill out.) I like that she feels comfortable to talk to me about anything..and I mean anything..but at the same time I don't need or want to know that level of detail. I'm totally open to discussing my friends problems but for me there is a cut off point when it gets a bit inappropriate. How can I tell her that without her feeling like I'm attacking her or being rude? 

Hey hunny I complete understand where your coming from here.  I think everyone has at lease one friend who annoys them in some way but to be honest no one is perfect.  You two sound like you are more sister like friends than normal friends which is great to have but sometimes not so great when it comes to issues like this.  
First of all you friends situation does sound like a stress issue.  I myself have that issue and its called IBS Irritable Bowl Syndrome (now im no doctor and i could be wrong) but by the way you explained in your email she maybe be suffering it which is caused by stress and diet mostly.  IBS is set off if you eat the wrong foods such as too much fibre, white bread etc.  There is lots of information on the net about it if you google it.  You should tell her that you been the great friend you are looking this up for her  and this is what may be causing her problems.  Then you should advice her to visit the doctor to either get this confirmed or check out what really is the issue.  
She really needs to know how you feel hunny and honesty is the best policy.  If she is as good a friend as you say she is and you are both as close well then she will understand how you feel.  If she decides to take this as an insult (in which you cant help) there is really nothing you can do about it.
At the end of the day if you continue to be annoyed about this and not say anything she will continue talking about it and continue to make you feel uncomfortable and that will eventually cause you annoyance to build up and some day you will BURST and maybe say things you dont mean and that could cause bigger issues or even an end to your friendship which is not worth it is it?? 
If i were you i would 100% just say it to her the next time she talks about that issue just tell her that you understand she is having a hard time going through but could she keep the details to a minimum (you are not asking for much) 
You Could even tell her if she is wants to chat to someone about it THAT NINA WILL LISTEN TO HER AND GIVE HER ADVICE :) :) 
I hope this helps you hunny and makes sense to you please let me know how you get on :) 

Now my beauties thats the last of this weeks Wednesday Whispers.  It ended up i only got 2 emails this week but it is the first week after all.  So that is the reason i wrote more in my answers this week :) :) 
I hope you enjoyed this weeks advice post.  I would love some feedback from you all about it :) :) 
If you feel you have an opinion about my answers feel free to express them :) 
Until the next Wednesday Whispers 
See you soon 
Dont forget email me with you questions 

Lots of Love Luck and Laughter 

I love love love hearing from you all :) I make it my duty to read each and every one of you comments and every time i get a comment from you it highlights my day thanks so so much to you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


fluff and fripperies said...

Great advice Nina and I think this is a fab idea for a series.

Nina said...

awwww you really think so? Thanks so much for your comment hunny its greatly appreciated :)

Odette said...

Great advice Nina! :D x

Jeanett said...

Hi Nina.
I loved this:D I even got an answer to a problem of my own (e-mail nr.2)
I have a friend just like that, and now I know what to say:):)
Keep up the good work, and I'm really looking forward to the next post, both beauty and whispers:D
Hugs from Norway:)

Nina said...

Thanks so much Odette
@Jeanett hunny im glad i help 2 in 1 on that one :) thanks for your feedback to both of you. Your so good im looking forward to it too :)

Anonymous said...

great advice! you took the words right out my mouth. great blog girl :)

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